I want the main take away from this blog to be my values and kernel kinks. Though I do not expect that everyone will have all the same kernel kinks as me, as long as one or more of yours align with mine then it will be a good match. The service examples I wrote are for those who have the interest to commit more of their time to me.

The Importance of Authentic Domination

I have been reading up a lot on D/s relationships and dynamics. I have been watching videos on kinky relationships. Basically, doing further education and self improvement along with self reflection. I realized that there have been many times I have not clearly communicated my needs and expectations in my relationships. This caused issues. Sometimes those issues were mild, sometimes more severe.

That led me to write this.

I want to share my authentic domination style with you. I want to create fulfilling and authentic relationship. I want genuine connections.

If you believe we could be a possible match, reach out through my submission form. Depending on our chemistry and what you are capable of offering there may be room for negotiation.

Remember, not one relationship is alike. Each connection has its own needs. I make mindful and intentional decisions based on that.

My Values as a Dominant

I should start with my values. My values guide me. They are the foundation of how I conduct myself in all aspects of my life. These values are specific to me as a dominant. They are the following:

Hierarchy

Being at the top and treated as such is the most important value in any D/s relationship for me. My core kink is power dynamics and a relationship with me cannot function without this.

The way this may translate to in a relationship depends on our specific connection. Maybe I am the boss you are trying to impress and do a good job for. Hot daddy that you want to please, or the absolute supreme being that you worship.

In that same token you will constantly be reminded of your status beneath me. You are to wait for me, be at my beck and call. Subject to my whims and desires.

Clear & direct communication

I do not beat around the bush and in turn expect the same from you. I don’t want to be decoding what you mean with some vague thought or sentence you utter. This gives me unnecessary work and honestly it is a turn off. Plus, as your superior, I should never be doing your work for you.

It’s hot when you know what you want and can tell me. If you do not know, that’s ok, but communicate that too. Dedicate yourself to this practice.

Bonus points for effective communication.

Honesty

This value goes hand in hand with the one above. Honesty builds trust. No relationship can flourish without having trust in one another. Honesty builds intimacy.

To me, honesty is about being authentic and genuine. I know that speaking our truths tends to leave us feeling exposed and vulnerable. I constantly strive to create a safer space for you to be able to do that. Besides, doesn’t it sound hot to feel exposed and vulnerable before me?

Here is an article to help you understand the importance and benefits of honesty in a relationship. Plus some tips for being honest.

Self-betterment

I am constantly trying to be a better version of myself in all aspects of my life. I want my submissives to seek self-betterment as well. Yes, self improvement for the sake of our relationship but for yours too.

This may mean reading along with me whatever self improvement book I may be into at the moment. It may mean encouraging you to take that class you have been meaning to take but have put off for a while. If you have certain goals that you need my support with we can discuss them and come up with a game plan together.

No need to be limited to those examples. A desire to be better and put in the effort required is enough.

My Goal Feelings & Kernel Kinks

I like to focus on the feelings we want out of a play scene or dynamic rather than on the activities. Any old activity can be performed in a myriad of ways to elicit different feelings or reactions. If you know what I want to feel during an interaction with you and vice versa, we can tailor almost any activity to accommodate those goal feelings.

Service

Service is a big part of all my D/s dynamics. This supports and reinforces the hierarchy in our relationship. I want commitment on your part to make my life easier and more enjoyable. You will have plenty of opportunities to feel useful to me.

Worshiped

I want to feel desired and wanted. I want to know all the ways in which I inspire and awe you. Most assume this means my physicality- how attractive and irresistible you find me. I enjoy that. But, feel free to go one step further. In regards to my personality and character. Also my complexities, humor, thoughtfulness and efforts. Or whatever else amazes you about me.

In Control

If I am not in control then I am not interested. Of course, there can be limits and I will respect boundaries. Power and control is what first attracted me about BDSM.

Some ways in which I enjoy control over you:

• your arousal
• influence over your decisions and actions
• anything that is within our boundaries and that we have negotiated

Untouchable

There will be plenty of mystery about me. Parts of me that will always be out of reach to you. Always something to tease you with, to leave you wanting more.

Omnipotent

I want to inhabit every corner of your mind. Colonize your brain and occupy your thoughts. I will know the depths of you and you will reveal yourself to me. I want to know the details of your fantasies, desires, even your mundane life. I want to hold you in my hands and read you like an open book.

Some Expectations

I am listing some of my most basic expectations. This does not mean they are my only expectations. Most likely there will be others as we develop our Dom and sub connection.

• Kink is a team sport. You need to invest in the relationship. I refuse to be the only person doing all the emotional (or any other type of) labor.
• Know your goals, needs and limits and discuss them with me.
• Schedule time for check-ins. I don’t want to be the only one initiating them.
• Sending monthly gifts through my WishTender.
• I won’t tolerate things from you that I have to tolerate from the outside world.
• Use the honorific that we have established in our dynamic.

In Regards to Service

These are some of the ways you can provide service for me. These include, but are not be limited to the following:

Domestic

• in the way of sending money for household stuff
• sending for groceries
• email me delicious cooking recipes
• funds for my garden
• pay for car maintenance (e.g. car wash/detailing when I need it)
• paying my bills

Again, we are not limited to just the above. In what way do you want to feel useful to me?

Professional Support

• Commenting, sharing and interacting with my social media posts (you can find all my profiles here)

• I need support to make my post more accessible for blind folks

• Looking over my website for errors or broken links

• Offering feedback to what could be a better client experience

Sex and Kink

• Learn proper foot massage techniques

• Dressing to my liking
• Being my eye candy

• Buying my content
• Telling me how great I look, tell me how aroused I make you. This a form of body worship.

• Edge
• Ruined orgasms
• Orgasm control and denial

• Tell me how much you want and need me

• Be my toy. This depends on the needs of the dynamics. Some examples: be my punching bag, thing to humiliate, slut to tease and deny.

Other Types of Service

Emotional Service

• Ask me how I’m doing, make space for me to be a human being and do not treat me as a kink dispenser. Ask what you can do to support me if I am having a hard time.
• Be proactive. Send notes that you care about me. Start conversations on how you are doing in our dynamic. Have genuine concern for how I’m doing in this relationship with you.
• Send me money. Money helps the world go round, as much as I wish that wasn’t true.

Companionship

• Chat with me. Keep me entertained. Tell me your secrets, jokes, stories. What are your aspirations? Tell me about your past. Be yourself with me and allow me to get to know you.

• Care for my needs outside the sexual realm. Go beyond your own sexual gratification to support me in my desires and endeavors.

Kink is a team sport

To create something sustainable both parties must commit to their responsibilities.

Your Responsibilities

• Be honest. I do not believe in topping from the bottom. Communicate whatever need, limit or boundary you have in a respectful manner and within your role in our relationship.

• Take the time and effort to evaluate your skills, needs and availability for our dynamic. Be honest with yourself and me on this. Figure out what skills come to you naturally and what type of service is nourishing for you.

• Don’t be embarrassed to let me know there’s something you’re not interested in, not enjoying. Or if you’re not feeling confident or skilled at something.

• “Don’t be mud, be clay” as my mentor would say. Being mud means not being an active participant in our relationship. To be clay you must make yourself useful and ready for me. Take initiative. Be ready to learn. Communicate honestly. Ask for feedback and take constructive criticism in an open and appreciative way.

• Have safe words and use them when necessary. This builds trust and strengthens our dynamic. I can feel confident that you will communicate and take care of your needs.

• Take notes, keep track of lessons and things I have communicated to you.
• I need you to have an aftercare plan. It’s possible that sometimes one is not needed. Let me know, and describe when those situations would be.

My responsibilities

• Be honest with you.

• I understand that training takes time, I can be patient if I see honest effort to please and do better on your part.

• To acknowledge and express my gratitude for your service.

• I’ll be mindful of your needs, and I will let you know if I can meet that need or not.

• I do not expect you to be able to read my mind. I will communicate to the best of my abilities my needs.

• I can be tough, but also realistic. I will not set you up for failure, unless that’s a dynamic that’s desired. I want us both to have a healthy and positive experience.

• Provide you with the time and resources to be able to meet my needs and expectations.

• I will make sure to have check-ins with you. I want to know how you’re able to keep up with the tasks assigned. If you feel you have the necessary tools and resources to do them, if your needs are being met, etc.

Authentic Domination and Submission

Self-reflection and discovery helps us connect with our authentic selves. Authentic domination and submission will create a deeper bond between us. It will foster mutual growth.

Authentic domination and submission requires us to do self reflection. We cannot enter any relationship without knowing what our values, desires and expectations are.

I want to create space in which I can be my authentic self. Anyone who wishes to enter into a D/s dynamic with me must be supportive of this. They must want the same thing. This is how we can build trust, feel free to express our inner truths and have boundless exploration.

This is how we create a fulfilling D/s relationship.