Themdom v. Femdom: What’s changed for me since 2021?

Femdom v. Themdom

and why I love genderfucks.

What has changed?

I am going over most of my blogs to edit them and republish them so that they are more aligned with my current evolution. Here is the first one!

The original blog post can be found here: Expressing My Femdom Identity

Continue reading to see what’s changed since I first published that blog post.

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I am a gender expansive dominant, and I love genderfucking. I enjoy the flexibility and fluidity of not being bound to any form of gender or sexual expression.

What do I mean by genderfuck?

Let’s take a look at what Dictionary.com says the meaning of genderfuck is:

genderfuck Meaning | Gender & Sexuality | Dictionary.com

“Gender, however, is a construct and spectrum, and everyone from scientists to sociologists understand gender as far more complex than any binary.”

I am quoting that sentence because I truly believe in it. If you choose to book a session with me, I hope you do too. At the very least come with an open and willing mind.

How this translates into my play

When you look at me you might assume hetero and gender normative things about me. Labels like woman or femdom, with she/her pronouns following along. If you seize  the opportunity to submit to me, you’ll learn that those assumptions and labels are not accurate.

I go beyond the expectations you have of a Dominant in a body that is perceived as feminine. You box me in with your basic assumptions of what a person that looks like me “should” be based on society’s standards. 

This limited mindset creates boundaries for me, which I reject. Once we negotiate and establish a dynamic between us, I will be in charge and will let you know which expectations are acceptable and which are not.

As vast as the ocean

Imagine trying to fill a pool with an entire ocean. It’s impossible, right? Well, I am the ocean. Your preconceived notions are the pool, do yourself a favor and let go of them. 

I would like to add another analogy. Did you see the movie Everything Everywhere All At Once? Hands down the best movie ever, right? Well, the title of the movie is how I feel about gender, specifically my own. It is everything; it is chaos; it is there; and it isn’t –all at once. 

One example of genderfucking are my honorifics. For the most part I like masculine and non-gendered honorifics. Acceptable ones are Goddess, Sir, or Daddy (can’t use this on certain platforms like NiteFlirt or SextPanther), but whatever you do, don’t call me mistress.

Most High was on the list but I don’t feel like I vibe with that one anymore. To add to the list though: Chef, Jefe/Jefx (spanish for boss), Doctor, and Professor. These depend more on the dynamic and rapport that we have. 

Assuming that I use honorifics that are traditionally feminine is wrong. You’ll be a good pet and regularly ask me what I prefer. I embody all genders and none of them at the same time. So, at any moment I may want a specific one, or I may not care. Again, asking is key.

We are each a constant work in progress

I’m including the striked out text below because it’s important to me that I acknowledge the issues it had and the ways that my perspective on those things has changed or grown. Also, to celebrate and see my growth in a tangible way.

I don’t think explaining what I was trying to say is the right approach here. I believe we need to focus on impact vs. intent, so I will instead do a sort of compare and contrast to how I feel now regarding those sentiments.

Reflecting on this since all the gender exploration I’ve done, I realize that playing with a strap on is erotic for me because I’m experiencing arousal outside of a gender I have been perceived as my whole life.

For me, as a gender expansive person, this includes “male” gender. (I put that in quotes because, let me remind you, it is a construct of our society, but the consequences of it in our society are still pretty fucking real).

Being assigned male at birth does not equate to being a cisgender man. Also, trans, non-binary, and gender non-confirming people aren’t “socialized as” man/woman – they are who they are yet are socialized to accept the gender binary and the social roles assigned to each gender by  that system. I avoid that phrasing now and sometimes, if I have to, use “socialized to act as (insert gender)”.

The patriarchy doesn’t own penises. Many people who live outside of the traditional binary also happen to have penises or external sexual/reproductive organs. The patriarchy is not represented by a body part but a mindset. And that’s what I want to fuck with.   

I will not be limited to society’s expectations of me based on my perceived gender, let alone as a Dominatrix. I sure as hell reject those notions. I am not here to play out society’s beliefs of what my role should be or look like.

The awakening

Since the awakening of my ancestral power I am continuously learning how to take up the space that I deserve in this world. And more importantly for you, the space that I want in your world.

So why themdom?

My pronouns are they/them. That might change for you once we have negotiated a dynamic. Although in most cases femdom is an acceptable term, I feel that themdom creates more space inside of people’s mind for me and my nuances.

Why I love genderfucks

I love genderfucks because my real world is not my ideal word and using them in my play allows for a space that feels more aligned with me and how I would like others to perceive the world and myself.

There is no limit to my gender expression. Welcome to my genderfuck. Apply below to be enlightened.

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